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Malaclypse
11-10-2014, 08:10 PM
i used to think this song was about Maynard's aunt when i first got into the band, but then i read somewhere that the "see you auntie" in the booklet notes is just a joke. if you say "see you auntie" slowly and without an accent it sounds like "C-U-N-T." - just a fun tidbit of info.

now on to the song...

everyone knows that the name "Jimmy" is the same as "James." but if you also look in the booklet (or on your stereo, or itunes, or whatever) you'll see that this song is Track 9 (duh). now if you look in the booklet notes and count 9 words from the beginning it lines up perfectly with his name: "(1) Geeks: / (2) Danny / (3) Carey, / (4) Justin / (5) Chancellor, / (6) Adam / (7) Jones, / (8) Maynard / (9) James" - it would have been cooler to notice back in the 90's.

anyone following this band knows that his mom didn't die until 2003 - which was the inspiration for 10,000 Days. Maynard was born in 1964. he would have been 11 years old in 1975. 1975 to 2003 is 28 years (just over 10,000 days) - still pretty common Tool fan knowledge.

in a YouTube interview, he said that he moved to his dad's in Montana before he started high school - i'm guessing around 11 years old...

so my understanding from all this information is that he moved to his dad's when his mom was diagnosed with cancer when he was 11 - hence the commonly repeated number in the lyrics, and the first two stanzas:

"What was it like to see
The face of your own stability
Suddenly look away
Leaving you with the dead and hopeless?

Eleven and she was gone.
Eleven is when we waved good-bye.
Eleven is standing still,
Waiting for me to free him
By coming home."

i'm guessing that this entire experience caused him to lose that innocent child's perspective of life. - "...when we waved good-bye [to both his mom and his childhood]."

like any kid would, he probably repressed this. - "Eleven is standing still." Jimmy the boy was gone, and James took over... - "Waiting for me to free him by coming home."

and the fact that Pushit is track 11 (eleven, get it?) makes me wonder what the connections between these two songs are. possibly the internal conflict a child has when repressed memories begin to manifest themselves - "What is this but my reflection?" - but i'll write a post on that song some other day.
also, in 10,000 Days (Wings Part 2) theres the lyrics;

"And this little light of mine, a gift you passed on to me;
I'm gonna let it shine to guide you safely on your way,
Your way home..."

- clearly a reference to this song.

but enough about my speculations on Maynard... this song personally impacts me deeply because when i was around 9 my brother was convicted of a crime that he never committed. he was imprisoned for over 2 years out of state. i'm not going to go into the details, but it destroyed my family (emotionally and financially). my mom uprooted herself overnight (left behind a job and a house), and moved just so she could visit him every weekend and keep him supported. i was left with my dad... being only 9 years old, i didn't fully understand the weight of this situation - i repressed a lot of what happened. after he was released, it took 5 more years till they both moved back home.

it wasn't until i was around 18 or so that i began to realize the impact that this had on my life. - losing both my brother and mother for over 7 years during an important part of childhood development. i don't want to seem selfish - i realize my brother needed family support, but i couldn't help but feel abandoned - i was still a kid. my dad was barely a parent. he preferred to neglect me and stare at his computer screen playing spider solitaire until i got a bad grade in school, then he'd turn around and scream at me. there was no in-between.

when my mom and brother moved back, i was fucking excited. i felt like i was going to get my old life back. these lyrics comes to mind:

"Where the hell have I been?
Sleeping, lost, and numb.
So glad that I have found you.
I am wide awake and heading home."

but i was wrong. you can't go back. you can only move forward. i'll admit, i got my closure when they finally moved back, but it won't give me those 7 years back. "home" isn't in the past or in a memory, it's in the present moment. it isn't a physical location, but a bond shared between loved ones.

every time i hear this song i tear up. it makes me feel closer to the memories of being a child from before life forced me to grow up...

maybe i'm opening up too much on an internet forum...

TheChosenOne
11-15-2014, 11:52 PM
Jimmy = breaking into the car
as in to jimmy the lock