This One
11-13-2008, 07:51 AM
Having always been one to analyze and analyze, this song captured me. There seemed to be something there, but this one could never wrap his mind around it. I banged my head upon the faultline. I choked until I swallowed.
When I listen to Pushit (live) I hear an internal conversation. The voice of the true self talking to the ego, this false concept of self.
Saw that gap again today.
While you were begging me to stay.
Take care not to make me enter.
If I do we both may disappear.
I saw the difference between self and identity, not enough to know what it is, just the gap between the two. Identity takes over the life of a human. Identity tells you that if you cast it aside you both will disapear.
Saw that gap again today.
While you were begging me to stay
Managed to push myself away
And you as well, my dear
And you, as well
Pushed you away my dear
I saw that gap again. This time I was able to open it up a little. Push away identity and see myself for the first time.
I will choke until I swallow
Choke this infant here before me
What are you but my reflection?
Who am I to judge or strike you down?
"I will choke untill I swallow" This is my favorite line. The ultimate dedication to finding truth. Now that self and identity are separated, if only by 4 degrees, I can ask what Idenity is but a reflection of myself. Who am I to judge this idea or to strike it down?
But you're pushing me
And Im shoving you
And your pushing me
And Im shoving you
And we struggle. The everday struggle of identity and self. Do I do what I want to, or do what all the other monkeys think I should do? Pushing and shoving.
Rest your trigger on my finger,
Bang my head upon the fault line
You better take care not to make me enter
If I do we both may disappear
It's getting closer now. Thinking about this gap, the fault line between self and identity. My finger rest upon the trigger that will destroy my identity. There is still the fear that if I do we both may disapear.
But you're pushing me
And Im shoving you
And your pushing me
And Im shoving you
You still love me
We're pushing and were shoving
And you're pushing and I'm shoving
You still love me
And were pushing and were shoving
And I'm pushing as your shoving
So we push and shove some more. Am I identity or something else? What am I? Why does everything I do carry this bit of resistance. It's like I'm two people locked in a cage, pushing and shoving.
And Im slipping back into the gap again
I feel alive when you touch me...
I feel alive when you hold me...
...down
Once again slipping into the experiance of true self, if only for a moment. Perhaps through a drug trip, or inense meditation. I feel alive in that gap, I feel alive when I'm grounded in my own reality.
Slipping back into you
I am somewhere I dont wanna be, yeah
Put me somewhere I dont wanna be
Push me somewhere I dont wanna be
Seeing someplace I don't wanna see
Never wanna see that place again...
But, it's over now, and I'm slipping back into this identity. This false reflection of myself. The idea of me that is only exists in the judgements of others, and in my judgements of self. I am pushed to do and be what I don't want to be because I am trying to be an identity. I don't ever want to be here again.
Saw that gap again today
While you were begging me to stay
Managed to push myself away,
And you as well, my dear
If, when I say I may fade like a sigh if I stay,
You minimize my movement anyway,
I must persuade you another way
I saw the gap between me and my identity again today. I managaed to push away my identity. I am no longer afraid of disapearing. I know that if I stay I will fade and wither. I cannot control my identity. I must persued it another way.
Pushing and Shoving and
Pushing and Shoving and
Pushing me
I'm pushing and shoving. I must find a way to overcome you.
There's no love in fear.
Staring down the hole again.
Hands are on my back again.
Survival is my only friend.
Terrified of what may come.
I'm back at that gap again. It's a little wider now. I've been pushing and shoving so long, I can't survive like this anymore. I'm terrified that if I destroy you, we both may disapeare, but I will choke until I swallow.
Remember I will always love you,
As I claw your fucking throat away.
It will end no other way.
This is the end of the song, and the beggining of true life. This idenity, this idea of a person. It is not who or what I am. I don't hate this identity, I love it, because it was trying to save me. But there was nothing to save me from, It was just full of false fears. I do the only thing left to do. I let go of my identity. It will end no other way. Pushing and shoving pushing and shoving. Two animals in a cage. Two "me" in one mind. The real me that is immortal, and this false identity I must kill to survive. It will end no other way.
When I listen to Pushit (live) I hear an internal conversation. The voice of the true self talking to the ego, this false concept of self.
Saw that gap again today.
While you were begging me to stay.
Take care not to make me enter.
If I do we both may disappear.
I saw the difference between self and identity, not enough to know what it is, just the gap between the two. Identity takes over the life of a human. Identity tells you that if you cast it aside you both will disapear.
Saw that gap again today.
While you were begging me to stay
Managed to push myself away
And you as well, my dear
And you, as well
Pushed you away my dear
I saw that gap again. This time I was able to open it up a little. Push away identity and see myself for the first time.
I will choke until I swallow
Choke this infant here before me
What are you but my reflection?
Who am I to judge or strike you down?
"I will choke untill I swallow" This is my favorite line. The ultimate dedication to finding truth. Now that self and identity are separated, if only by 4 degrees, I can ask what Idenity is but a reflection of myself. Who am I to judge this idea or to strike it down?
But you're pushing me
And Im shoving you
And your pushing me
And Im shoving you
And we struggle. The everday struggle of identity and self. Do I do what I want to, or do what all the other monkeys think I should do? Pushing and shoving.
Rest your trigger on my finger,
Bang my head upon the fault line
You better take care not to make me enter
If I do we both may disappear
It's getting closer now. Thinking about this gap, the fault line between self and identity. My finger rest upon the trigger that will destroy my identity. There is still the fear that if I do we both may disapear.
But you're pushing me
And Im shoving you
And your pushing me
And Im shoving you
You still love me
We're pushing and were shoving
And you're pushing and I'm shoving
You still love me
And were pushing and were shoving
And I'm pushing as your shoving
So we push and shove some more. Am I identity or something else? What am I? Why does everything I do carry this bit of resistance. It's like I'm two people locked in a cage, pushing and shoving.
And Im slipping back into the gap again
I feel alive when you touch me...
I feel alive when you hold me...
...down
Once again slipping into the experiance of true self, if only for a moment. Perhaps through a drug trip, or inense meditation. I feel alive in that gap, I feel alive when I'm grounded in my own reality.
Slipping back into you
I am somewhere I dont wanna be, yeah
Put me somewhere I dont wanna be
Push me somewhere I dont wanna be
Seeing someplace I don't wanna see
Never wanna see that place again...
But, it's over now, and I'm slipping back into this identity. This false reflection of myself. The idea of me that is only exists in the judgements of others, and in my judgements of self. I am pushed to do and be what I don't want to be because I am trying to be an identity. I don't ever want to be here again.
Saw that gap again today
While you were begging me to stay
Managed to push myself away,
And you as well, my dear
If, when I say I may fade like a sigh if I stay,
You minimize my movement anyway,
I must persuade you another way
I saw the gap between me and my identity again today. I managaed to push away my identity. I am no longer afraid of disapearing. I know that if I stay I will fade and wither. I cannot control my identity. I must persued it another way.
Pushing and Shoving and
Pushing and Shoving and
Pushing me
I'm pushing and shoving. I must find a way to overcome you.
There's no love in fear.
Staring down the hole again.
Hands are on my back again.
Survival is my only friend.
Terrified of what may come.
I'm back at that gap again. It's a little wider now. I've been pushing and shoving so long, I can't survive like this anymore. I'm terrified that if I destroy you, we both may disapeare, but I will choke until I swallow.
Remember I will always love you,
As I claw your fucking throat away.
It will end no other way.
This is the end of the song, and the beggining of true life. This idenity, this idea of a person. It is not who or what I am. I don't hate this identity, I love it, because it was trying to save me. But there was nothing to save me from, It was just full of false fears. I do the only thing left to do. I let go of my identity. It will end no other way. Pushing and shoving pushing and shoving. Two animals in a cage. Two "me" in one mind. The real me that is immortal, and this false identity I must kill to survive. It will end no other way.